I made it through today, I worked out, ran some errands and was able to have plenty of laughs with my friend, McNeil, along the way. Overall, today was a good day. As I was wrapping the day up, my phone buzzed. I checked to see who messaged me but instead of finding a text or voicemail notification, I found a Facebook notification. I click on it, thinking that somebody must have commented on my photo of the day. Nobody commented on my photo. It was Facebook reminding me what I was doing on this day last year, two years ago and three years ago. This is where I stop. The tears begin to roll down my face as I scan these images. My tears are hot and slow moving, almost as if they are magma, slowly rolling down the side of a volcano.
One of these images is of Tommy and I with Mt. Kilimanjaro majestically resting in the background, his arm proudly wrapped around me. . . Facebook says that I had a life event on this day. This day three years ago, Tommy and I got engaged. I close my eyes as the puddles continue to form in my eyes. I attempt to view the other photos from that day; however, the images are distorted, my vision blurry. No matter how hard I try to hold back the tears, they come. I continue to attempt to view the images. I am able to make out Tommy and I at the summit of Mt. Kilimanjaro, the tallest peak in Africa.
At 19,341 feet is where Tommy decided to tell me how much I meant to him, how much he loved me and how we were perfect together. I recall asking him what he was talking about...maybe the elevation was affecting him! And then he dropped down to one knee, pulled out a mahogany square box, opened it and asked, "Alison Ann Ashby, will you marry me? You are perfect." I wrapped my arms around him, in the perfect lovers embrace and said, "Of course! I would be honored!"
He slipped the most elegant ring I have ever seen onto my left hand ring finger and we shared the most sensual kisses of all time. We were frozen in time! For a moment we thought we were the only one's on the summit, which is far from the truth! Next, we decided to pose for the standard summit photo with our two guides. We couldn't stop grinning from ear to ear...infected with both excitement about summiting the tallest peak in Africa but also for the excitement and anticipation of our lives together...as a kick ass team.
Once we got back down to high camp and we were taking a nap together, he told me to make sure I looked carefully at the ring, that there was something special about it. Most women might automatically assume that there might be an engraving on the inside, but I am not most women. I had no idea! I could blame it on the altitude, but it just never crossed my mind. I also didn't want to take the ring off to inspect it...it was too perfect, yet the idea of a secret being somewhere on the ring was eating me alive! It took me awhile but when I saw what he was talking about, it made me love him even more. On the inside of the band was a simple engraving, "you are perfect." He loved me for exactly who I was and I loved him for exactly who he was, not what we were to become. We were a beautiful match. We were perfect.
Unfortunately, once we returned home, I had to have the ring resized. Tommy planned everything to the very detail. He knew that while hiking, especially at higher elevation, your fingers tend to swell; therefore, he intentionally bought the ring two sizes too big. He said it was really important that he could put the ring on during the proposal - to make it feel more real and to make it the perfect proposal. Sadly, during the resizing, the engraving was lost.
After making the descent back down the mountain, we spent the next five days or so on a private safari. We spent nights in fancy tent cabins as lovers. Monkeys could be heard pitter-pattering across the canvas roof. We stayed in high end resorts some of the nights because, why not? We just got engaged! Time to celebrate! We spent other nights in more affordable accommodations but we always made the best out of it. Nothing could go wrong because we were so in love. That uncontainable, make other people sick kind of love. The funny thing is...we never fell out of that sickening phase of love, that was just us.
So...at this point, I would like to say, thank you Facebook for reminding me of this event and for breaking me down. It has caused much pain, heartache, and tears tonight as I lay in my bed, alone, with Tommy's ashes on his nightstand next to me. Despite the amount of pain these memories have caused, by writing my story of that day and of that trip, it has also brought me much joy. it was such an amazing and surreal day...for a few minutes while writing this down, I was able to escape the reality of widowhood and return to the "Roof of Africa." Tanzania will always have a special place in my heart; however, Tommy will always have my whole heart.
I love you, Tommy. You are my favorite.
I miss you immensely.
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