How A Second Makes A Difference

I'd like to start off by saying that I am not a profound writer in any way. I am not writing this blog post or any of my future blog posts in an attempt to cry for attention or to gain anything from it other than being able to let out what feelings/emotions that I tend to lock away, deep inside. I am attempting this in hopes of it to not only help myself during this long journey of grief that I have been thrown in and maybe, just maybe, my words or my stories can either help or inspire someone else.

So, let us begin...

One day, no...one second has changed my entire life. My entire world has been ripped away and flipped upside down, all in one second. Who knew one second of one day could be that powerful. I sure didn't, not until that one second occurred on Sunday, November 29, 2015 at 3:00 pm.

Maybe I should back up a little. Tommy Fountain was more than just my husband. He was more than just the love of my life. He was my rock, the one who always supported and pushed me towards my dreams and helped me achieve my ambitions, my partner in life, my climbing and mountaineering partner, my confidant, my best friend, and as cliché as it may sound, my one true love and my soul mate. He was all of this and so much more. To others he was a great friend, companion, holder of secrets, father, ex-lover, son, brother and again, so much more.

Tommy and I take an annual trip into the mountains every Thanksgiving weekend. We do not do the traditional Thanksgiving routine. Instead, we have decided that during our relationship, we will take advantage of the long weekend that he gets off of work and head to the mountains, to honor what we were both most thankful for in our lives - each other and each other's love for the outdoors.

This year we had the perfect weather window to climb Mt. Jefferson in the Oregon Cascades. Jefferson recently received quite a bit of snow followed by a nice cold snap...perfect conditions to do a little crampon work! After reviewing some route information and packing all necessary equipment and gear, off we went. The weather remained perfect for us...not a cloud in the sky, absolutely gorgeous. In fact, at one point, we were standing at the base of Jefferson Park Glacier with the summit pinnacle looming in the distance and Tommy just starts yelling, "I fucking love this mountain!" "Look at it! It's just so fucking cool! Beautiful!!" His love for the mountain and excitement over the beauty kept our spirits up and spurred us along as a team. We unfortunately, could not make it to the summit due to fatigue and we knew we should turn around before we got in a bad spot. On our decent, the unthinkable happened and Tommy slipped. Unable to self arrest due to icy conditions, Tommy tumbled over 500 feet down a steep snow/ice slope toward the glacier/crevasse field that we were not supposed to be near. He then sadly fell 60 feet into a crevasse. I will spare the details for now but we all know how the story ends. Long story short, Tommy fell at 3:00 pm, I made it down to him by 4:30 pm and Tommy unfortunately, passed away due to his injuries at 8:44 pm.  All because of one second...in that one second, maybe his crampon didn't bite, maybe the ice broke away underneath his ice axe...nobody knows what exactly happened but I do know that it was a complete accident. One that has torn my life apart.

It has been 19 days since Tommy died. The worst 19 days of my life. The longest 19 days of my life. The loneliest 19 days of my life.

Tommy Fountain, you will always be the love of my life. Nobody can love me as deeply or as passionately or as unconditionally as you. And there is nobody that can fill the emptiness in my heart for you. I love you with my entire being. I miss you so much.

Thomas "Tommy" Trevor Fountain 10/18/1983 - 11/29/2015