Here's a fun fact: Before Tommy proposed in Africa, he made sure that it was okay with Penelope who was 4 going on 5 at the time. I remember her asking me the strangest questions the months before our trip to Tanzania. She would randomly ask, "When are you going to marry my daddy?" and "Once you guys get married are you going to have babies?" I thought this kid was just confused. I kept telling her things like, "I really love your daddy but we aren't getting married yet." and "Your dad and I really, really love each other but you just don't go run and get married, it takes time Penelope." Not knowing that he had already told her the plan, I am sure I was confusing her even more. This is just one example of how Penelope was Tommy's world. I have no doubt in my mind that if Penelope had a problem with us marrying, it would not have happened. Thanks for giving your daddy the blessing, Penelope! I love you!!
I do not think it was possible to be a better father than Tommy was to Penelope. Although there was distance between the two households (Penelope's and ours), there was no lack in love. When she was with us, Tommy would teach her how to cook, to tend to the chickens, to garden, to plant her own seeds, to ride her bike, to feel a sense of accomplishment and self-pride in everything she did. As a family, we would go on hikes together, exploring the wonders of the world. From caving to rock climbing, to camping....Tommy taught Penelope a life lesson during each encounter. Even something as small or insignificant as a walk to the park, they would have meaningful conversation and Penelope could not stop telling me about what seemed like an adventure. Tommy had a way with Penelope that made every moment seem precious and priceless and beyond meaningful.
I admittedly have fallen down the rabbit hole of reading some of the comments that were posted on the articles regarding our accident. Knowing how good of a father Tommy was makes me very protective of what is being said about him in the universe. I have been told to not worry what others say, that all that matters is what is true and we as friends, family and loved ones know the truth. To a certain extent, I know that is true. However, a big piece of me is, quite frankly, pissed off about what is being said about Tommy. I have read things that say he was a selfish person and that if he really loved Penelope, he would have never been up there. Others have made comments about how horrible of a father he must have been. It hurts me to my core to read them. I have not revisited these pages; however, I know that negative energy is out in the universe for anyone to read and I HATE that. I hate that I cannot remove those comments. I hate that I cannot protect his name. I hate that someone could actually accuse him of that. He absolutely loved that girl and for anyone to say otherwise...well, that's just absurd. It breaks my heart that I am so helpless in saving his name and protecting his legacy. I would do anything to protect him and his name!
Tommy and Penelope were such a touching part of my life and as much as it hurts for me to start accepting the reality of Tommy being gone, I also have to grieve the relationship that I had with Penelope. One silly, fateful second has completely ripped apart my family. I went from a family of three .... helping to raise this beautiful child....to a 29 year old widow, living alone in a house full of memories of my lost family. One second....and now I am alone. How can the world be this cruel?
Daddy and Alison love you Penelope. Even though we may not be able to be together physically, we are both with you every single day.
I love you both, Tommy and Peanut, with every ounce of my being.
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